My LiveJournal

hi everyone! it's been a little while. i guess i've fallen out of the habit of working on my code every day. so, here's a little update on me and how i've been doing!

we've split a couple more alters since i last posted... oops? it's not like we can help it, but it's still a little bit embarrassing for us to admit when we split. oh well. i guess i'll have to update the system alters page that we have eventually.

other than that, life has been going pretty well i'd say! nothing too crazy to report on. we have a few trips coming up to look forward to, so that's exciting. hopefully we have fun c:

i really don't have much to say! i just wanted to update here, even though i'm pretty sure no one reads this haha! oh well. thanks!

hi everyone!! it's been a little while, so here's just a general update on my life.

i showed my site to one of my older coworkers today -- he said that it reminded him of myspace! i take that as a win c: i wish that i was able to be online during the era of myspace, but alas! i'm happy enough to be alive right now and be the age that i am. it's nice being in your 20's hehe.

we had a period of time recently where we were off of our medication (uh oh) but we're back on it now! hurray! the only side effect is that it makes us soooo so sleepy as our body gets used to it again. i can sleep all day and still be tired... but, i'm trying to practice being awake for longer so that i stop sleeping whole days away! i am the god's sleepiest soldier!

other than that, i don't have much to report... thanksgiving is coming up this week. oh, and i guess looking at the date it's my brother's birthday... :c. what a bummer.

hi everyone! i lived!

sorry for umm "baiting" i guess -- i was doing really badly these past few days :c but i feel a bit better now... just a bit, at the very least. self-isolating won't help anybody, right?

in somewhat-related news, my friends have been making me a bit sad lately. i don't really know how to say anything about it to them, though. i think that i've just been overly sensitive lately, or something?

oh well. i also tried poke for the first time today! it was okay... i think that i might try it again from a different establishment, and maybe i'll like it more.

i guess that i don't have much to say today! oh well.

this is it, i guess... maybe someone will scrape my website looking for signs. this is the sign. this is it. this is the sign. i'm so tired. i'm so, so tired. bye.

TW self harm mention, suicide mention

today has been fucking miserable. as soon as i got home from work, i drank ~5 shots worth of bourbon, some of which straight from the bottle. i also had a glass of cheap wine and an edible. waiting for the edible to kick in now. sorry if i become illegible while i'm writing this.

i really have been thinking nonstop about hurting someone today. myself, or someone else. i'm so angry. i'm so hurt. i'm just trying not to relapse on cutting. thank god no one reads this.

i debated deleting my private discord server today, the one with my closest friends in it. or at the very least transferring ownership to someone else and leaving. they don't like me, anyways. they reject me at every circumstance, and they all wish that i'd killed myself a long time ago. i mean nothing to them. less than nothing. i'm a nuisance which should hhave never been born.

i don't have the right mind to fix my typos right now, sorry. i kind of want to drink more. i'm a little bit fucked up righht now.

fuck you, if you're reading this. fuck everybody. fuck. i wish i was dead.

happy halloween everyone!!!

i can't actually celebrate the holiday today, so i went out to the bar last night. i went by myself with the hopes that somebody would talk to me, and somebody did!! she invited me to play trivia with her and her friends (we got 4th place), and we hung out for ~4 hours. and when i got home, i was able to spend time with my long-distance friends over discord! yay! successful halloween adventure, i think.

today i've been thinking a lot aboout my pronouns and gender. i've used the label genderfluff for myself for a long while, but somehow i have never used any neopronouns for myself! our old host used some neopronouns, but most of us don't have any. i hope to change that for myself at the very least! i think that neopronouns are really fun, and can be really fulfilling to use. i've been thinking about luv/luvs for myself -- i think that i might add that to my pluralkit now actually! how exciting!

tonight at work we'll be setting up christmas products. i really love the holiday season -- nothing is as rewarding as putting a lot of work into a gift for a friend and they end up loving it! i think this year i'll bake some cookies for my coworkers, maybe. some of the others want to be evil and add cayenne pepper to the recipe and give them out without telling people. i guess we'll see!